Joyful. 

I was trying to understand joy for you, trying to put my finger on what it means.
There were very few things that became clear, the first and most obvious, as it is often established is that joy is vastly different from happiness.
Happiness is a general term for an emotional response to things going well, it is equal parts excitement and satisfaction.
But joy, it is far more broad, and yet somehow more particular. Joy extends to times of hardship, it is a thing of abundance in the good times and yet it is a sturdy comfort when the soul is heavy.
Perhaps it is the clear-minded stillness found in the presence of God, a heart that is full with an understanding of the place and position of God in every situation.
Joy does not mean finding pleasure in the pain I don’t think, it is a swelling of the heart at the knowledge that in your current situation you have no control over what happens, however good or however bad the situation, you have a peace that no well-intentioned person could ever teach. A peace that is patient, a stillness of the soul, because the less control you have, the more God has. And it should fill us all with abundant joy that God is in control.
Joy is not concerned with something as fleeting and temporary as happiness, joy is concerned with knowing where God is in your situation and drawing strength from there.

When You Can't See The Whole Plan 

You, my darling, are not a failure. When God made you failure isn’t the word he chose and when he called you it was not the name he used. 

You just weren’t called like the others. God had something special for you and it just wasn’t ready when you were. So God gives you your next best step to prepare you for something you can only be prepared for by experience.
And it feels wrong, like you’re wasting time, sitting in a waiting room for God to call your number. But there is something in your waiting room, an experience you need, something you need to see first, something you need to know.
And sometimes you feel forgotten because it looks like others are skipping the line. But life is not prescribed into set paths.
And waiting is painful; not being able to see the future when others can is often painful.

But darling, there is a plan for you, and knowing it all is just too much. I have no doubts God is excited about your plans, I can imagine it takes restraint not to tell you. But you learn things like this. A plan like yours requires a different sort of faith, a daily bread sort of faith that requires foresight enough to start asking God now because you only see provision for today. And so it goes forth, your next best step. One step, the next step, and before you know it he’s teaching you to walk.

So darling, you are not a failure because you can’t see the whole plan or because your path doesn’t look like it’s supposed to, you have more realistic things to worry about than ‘supposed to’. You have a God with great plans and they’ve already begun, in the things you will learn every day until then.  

 Dear Friend...

I lift you up, beside me and above me. Not so I can be trampled, but because you can be better and I know I can get there, but you need help.
I don’t ever do it because of anything either of us have done, or even not done.
I do it because of love. I am called to love. So I love. I do not love because, nor do I love despite. I simply love.
There is nothing I wish to gain from you; I have no expectations or misconceptions. There is nothing you can do to earn my help, it is offered freely.
I was created by a God who wired me to be love in this world, who wired and programed me so deeply that anything else I chose to do is learned. And I have no reason to ever be anything other than what I was created for; I have no account I can give that would explain why I would think myself exempt from love. No amount of my own hurt allows me to be anything other than love; it simply means I should know the importance and value of love.
I have no right to be hateful of others, no reason to think myself better. No excuse exempts me from the calling we are all given. To be love and light in a world that needs it.
And you my friend, you are deserving of love, of my love and the love of others. You are not entitled to it; it is a gift, freely given, a fondness of the person you were created to be and have become.
We all go around loving others who love us and think that we are being generous, we wish the best on our enemies and call ourselves strong. Anybody can love because, but then it’s not really love, its thankfulness, a general fondness. Anybody can love despite, but that’s not love, that’s ignorance, and taking into account things that don’t really matter. But to love for the sake of love; recognizes that God first loved you, and so will I.
If God can love even me, it is certain he loves you.

 A Question of Impossibility

I wonder where the mountains would be if people realized they could move. I wonder how many stars they’d have if they realized they could be caught. I wonder how much bigger God would be if we realized the extent of the universe. When did it become so important to be realistic? What was wrong with being logical? If we can move the mountains, then why don’t we?
 If we can catch the stars why do we not fill jars, if God is so big, why do we imagine Him so little, with no control over what we do?
Since when was having all the answers more exciting than the wonder of it all? Why do we ague tirelessly about things no one will ever really know more about. Why do we waste time counting stars when we can enjoy them? Is that not what they are for? Why do we debate over small petty issues if we can see the enormity of God? Why do we feel so alone if he loves us so relentlessly?
Why do we tell ourselves we cannot move the mountains? We’ve been told we can by high authority, what is it that stops us from even trying?
imagine the things that could be done if only we dared to trust, to live in wonder and amazement, to believe our God is as big as the stories we were told. But instead we come with our realistic views. If we can trust God, then why would we not be able to move mountains, if we can believe in miracles why do we not try and catch the stars, and if we can see the universe is big then why do we not take note of the enormity of God. If we can trust God then why do we doubt what he says, why do we not order mountains to be moved?
What is it that we are afraid of? If we follow the will of God we could never be disappointed, He wants to show us amazing things, He made everything so we can enjoy, but we hold ourselves back out of a deep fear, that maybe we’ve got it wrong, maybe this is it, and maybe it can’t be done.
And so the mountains stay still, the stars are out of our reach, and God doesn’t really care.
But it bothers you doesn’t it? Now that you know. You look at the mountains and you wonder, you see the stars and you pause, you think about God and you have a feeling.
There’s a spark in your heart as you begin to look around, you’re eyes widen when you see it. Wonder stirs once more as you look as a child would, no numbers, no equations, no big words and complicated debates. Look at the world for what it is, not what you were told to expect of it. Forget about the disappointments, the heartbreak in the past.
Every day, look. Look at the world as if you’ve never really seen it before. Because have you really? Do you really know what to expect? Learn to stand in awe and wonder, learn to feel small, so that you can see that it’s all so big.
I wonder where the mountains would be if you realized they could be moved.

 The Others.

You are not the only one in your story.

The story of Esther is about a king who spends 180 days holding a banquet to show off his wealth and ends up banishing his wife for refusing to present herself at his feast, to show off her beauty to a room full of drunken men. Esther, who is a common Jewish girl, wins his favor after being one of many girls in the Persian provinces taken to essentially compete for the role of new queen and they are married. She was an orphan, raised by her cousin Mordechai, a man of integrity, who refuses to bow before anyone apart from God. This enrages Haman, a man caught up in his own title and pride, and he creates a law in order to be rid of all Jews, because if Mordechai does not respect him then surely none of his Jewish people do. For Mordechai he plans an especially vengeful death. Regardless, Mordechai encourages Esther to take a stand. And through Esther’s courage to confront both the king and Haman, she finds favor, an entire nation is saved, and she remains at the end of it all, knowing that such favor is only won by God.   

I tried so hard to put into words for you all that I had learned. But it didn’t sound pretty, it sounded like a story half told, with too many words and a life moral tacked on the end to give reason for the story being told. The more I tried the more I wanted you to know the others. Because the story I wanted to tell, the story of Esther, it was never just about her.
I wanted to tell you the story of queen Vashti; who refused the request of the king to present herself before a room of drunken men to show off her beauty. Instead choosing to preserve her dignity even though she knew she would be rejected for it. A rejection that ended in her being banished, never allowed in the presence of the king again. A rejection that she knew would come.
I wanted to tell you of a humble man of faith, Mordechai; raising his orphaned cousin Esther in a way that mirrored his own solid faith in God, preparing her for her future. Who offered continual encouragement despite the fact that she was taken away. Who kept her accountable for the position she now held. Who spoke into her time and again that she had the power within her to do something. Who modeled his encouragements, refusing to give into bowing before a man as corrupt as Haman.
I wanted to tell you about Haman; who couldn’t stand not being the centre of everything, whose pride was the reason for his murder. He retaliated, with vengeance, against people like Mordechai, who did not feed his idealized sense of self and his selfish desires. He not only held himself above others, but pushed those below him down further.
Something in me wanted you to know that from the first moment God had a plan; a story intricately woven, where the stakes were as high as death for everyone involved.  I wanted you to know that no one’s life was isolated from anyone else’s. Everyone was acting out of the influences they surrounded themselves with. Haman, an arrogant man with murderous thoughts surrounded himself with people who told him how to murder. A king acted out of what he was told other people wanted, and Mordechai lived out a faith and spoke encouragement so another could follow.
With all my heart I wanted you to understand that before Esther had purpose she was being prepared.
Not the sort of prepared that leaves you fearless, no one is fearless, even she tried to ignore what must be done. But the courage of Esther was more about the God she relied on, and the power his name held. The only name missing from the story, the only name searched out when everything reached the climax, the only name beside her and before her as she walked toward what was supposed to be her death, which had her standing alone. Such courage it would have taken.
Be a Vashti, stand for what you believe is right and do not waver.
Be a Mordechai, live a solid faith and be an encourager for the faith of others.
And be an Esther, walk towards your future and purpose with a faith that lays everything out for God to use.
Perhaps this is the closest I will come to telling Esther’s story, and the story of the others. But know this, in everything, hold to your faith, and you will be the one that remains.